This is an interesting question. It came from someone who is really running a focused and productive search. The question came as he prepares to travel to a family wedding followed by a family reunion.
Family events, holidays, etc. can be fun, uplifting and stressful all at once. Or at least those with my family can be and that is really my only experience I have in this arena. Don’t get me wrong I love my family, but with five kids, spouses, grandchildren, great-grandchildren…you get the picture.
I suggest you set some boundaries, and focus on the event rather than your search. You don’t want to ignore possible help or a great networking opportunity. However the odds are you don’t need added stress, a drilling about being out of work, or loads of career advice.
Your family cares about you and they want to help. So, be prepared to tell them specifically how they can help you. It will help you avoid listening to extra advice, long sad stories and set a neat boundary around your job search.
Here is my suggestion. Be well prepared to deliver a 30-second introduction, 100% focused on your ideal position, include your top three target companies and when you wrap up your 30-second comments explain how the person you are addressing or anyone else can help.
Imagine you are at the reunion, Uncle Ben walks up and begins to pick around the edges starting a conversation about your job search or point blank says “Grandma tells me you are still out of work, you could move back to town and work for your brother”. How can you respond?
You can say,
“That’s a great suggestion however, my brother doesn’t have an opening or a need for <fill in the blank with your target job title & experience; then describe your ideal job in one sentence> and I am targeting <list your top companies>. I am looking forward to joining one of these three organizations soon. You could help me a great deal if you would share your contacts at <repeat your top three target companies>. Would you do that for me? (Add a brief pause, as you take a pen and paper out of your pocket) Can I get the names of your contacts and their phone numbers at <repeat your top three target companies> now? (Pause, look Uncle Ben in the eye and smile and add) Or feel free to call or email with your contact names and how to reach them by phone at a time that is best for you. Thanks for your help.”
This technique allows you to set a respectful boundary around your job search. You will have shared the critical information about your experience, the job you are seeking, and you will have provided a specific manner for someone to help you if they wish to do so.
The technique also allows for a graceful transition to another conversation in a manner that is good for you and honors your relationship. It allows anyone wishing to help with contacts to do so in a specific way at that moment or when it is best for them without any pressure or requirement to do so. You will have created a polite boundary and space for the conversation to flow to another topic. And it takes less than a minute to do this!
You can modify this technique and use it in other situations too. It is a powerful way to gather contacts and set boundaries.
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